Tips For Investing In Your Mind, Body, Soul And Pocketbook

By Jeannette Bajalia

 

When was the last time you had a wake-up call where something rocked your world?  Don’t you have vivid memories of the day, the hour and the life event, and even 20, 30 or 40 years later still feel, sense, experience the memory? I do!

And, I’m sure many of you have similar memories as well of learning that a loved one unexpectedly passed away.  Or, you experienced a divorce when you thought you and your spouse would be together for life.

I call these events “life suddenlies.”  My “suddenly” happened when I was 26. My father, the primary bread winner for my mother and an elderly aunt who lived with them, passed away in his early 60’s after never being sick one day in his life.  His massive heart attack rocked my mother’s world, my aunt’s – and even mine.  My father died leaving my mother with a mortgage, no life insurance, and a $542 Social Security check.

Does this sound familiar to any of you?

I clearly remember that day in 1977 when I received the frantic call from my mother. She screamed through the phone that my dad – my hero and the strength of the family – had just died.  A police officer grabbed the phone because she wasn’t coherent; hysterical was a more appropriate label.

The officer explained what had happened and asked that I come right away.  Within minutes I arrived and took charge.  So, at 26 years of age, I became an instant emotional and financial caregiver, breadwinner, corporate employee, life planner, and problem solver.   As the youngest of five siblings, all girls, I wasn’t prepared for the responsibility. But my sisters, all married, didn’t have to rise to this life challenge because they already had their own challenges raising families and caring for aging “in-laws.”

So I did what my father would want me to do – I became the financial provider and took over his role as strength of the family.  I became the caregiver, heath care navigator, financial manager, long term care provider, emotional strength, sanity provider, and most importantly life planner.

I share this with you because my caregiving responsibilities lasted over 30 years as my mother lived to 93 and my aunt to 100.  I can assure you I am well equipped to speak to the issues many women face when it comes to well-being – that is, maintaining an emotional, physical, spiritual and financial balance in life.

Experience taught me how to succeed in ways that no college education can.  One important life lesson I learned was that “a man is not a plan.”  My mother put her financial security in the hands of my father and poof!  He was gone and so was her financial security. So I stepped in.  I was honored to do so because I learned a great deal during this journey that has prepared me well to do what I am so passionate about – helping individuals and families plan for the “unknown,” create life plans that take into consideration unexpected life events – the “suddenlies”.

Let me share with you some life-planning tips that could serve as anchors for protecting yourself from three situations that plunge women into financial crisis:  divorce, widowhood, and longevity.  With all three come emotional, financial, spiritual and physical turmoil.

As women, we’re uniquely designed by our Creator with God-given emotions that create a special character and nature in us.  With life events that rock our world, we tend to become enslaved to negative emotions that end up impacting us physically, and then the health issues rear their ugly heads, causing us to spend more of our financial resources in the medical system.

It doesn’t stop there. We get depressed when we see our physical appearance changing with menopause. Doctors don’t understand the root causes of our physical symptoms and issues, and start prescribing anti-depressants. Then our pocketbooks are impacted because one prescription leads to another and so on.

Let’s complicate this a bit more. Women live longer than men. That means we have more years for spending our hard-earned money to regain our health, which is at risk because we can’t seem to get our emotions under control and we don’t take time for “self-care,”  such as giving ourselves a spa day or working out for 30 minutes daily.

So, it’s time for our wakeup call. Let’s stand up and take control of our minds, our emotions, our bodies, and most importantly our pocketbooks.

Create a life plan for yourself to make sure that whether you experience a life “suddenly” or not, you have the skills, tools, strategies and tactics that will get you through the good times and bad.  My suggestions aren’t based on academic research but on a practical life journey that has stood the test of time. For 40 years, I have practiced these strategies, and they have served me well and helped those I serve in my practice daily.  These are simple life-planning strategies to inspire you to take control of your financial future by controlling your emotional and physical well-being:

 

1.Take an assessment of your life balance

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You need to get clear on your core beliefs, your values for the key components of your life such as family, spirituality, work, relationships, social, financial.  Do you have goals for each of these?  Are you doing work that fulfills you? Have you articulated your life mission and are you staying true to it?  To succeed in doing this would suggest you need to bury the past, the hurts, the frustrations, the anger, and even rid yourself of toxic relationships that keep your life out of balance.  You might need to engage the help of a facilitator, a mental health counselor, perhaps a life coach to help you map this out.  This first step helps you look at a vision for your future and keep that vision in front of you to hold yourself accountable. An accountability partner helps, but this takes courage and conviction.

 

2.Assess your physical health:

Do you like what you see in the mirror?  If you’ve allowed life events to distract you from taking care of yourself, then this is your moment of truth.  Set a goal to get in shape. Spend at least 30 minutes a day doing something physical you enjoy. Walk with a group of friends, get a fitness accountability partner. Do whatever you define as a solid, consistent workout routine.  Medical research suggests that longevity is over 70% lifestyle!  So, let’s start moving, shaking, jumping and dancing.

  • Assess Your Spiritual well-being: Mosby’s Dictionary of Complementary and Alternative Medicine defines spiritual well-being as “a sense of peace and contentment stemming from an individual’s relationship with the spiritual aspects of life.”   However you define your spiritual connection and hold firm to this aspect of total well-being, you will be grounded emotionally and can then manage your health more effectively.  Get connected to a group of like-minded individuals through your church, through community bible studies, through spiritual retreats that cater to women.  When I needed to make a career choice after my caregiving responsibilities ended when I was 55, I pursued a 12-day retreat cycling through Tuscany with a group of women I didn’t know. It was a mind and body retreat that helped me get clarity on my life mission.  What is it for you?  Find it, experience it, and allow it to help you mark your new future.
  • Assess your Financial Future:  Are money matters making you sick?  Finance-induced stress creates metabolic syndrome in women, which then puts you at risk for diabetes, hypertension and other ailments.  You can control your health by setting aside money fears and assessing where you are financially.
    1. Are you saving for a secure retirement that could last 30-40-50 years?
    2. Do you take advantage of your employer sponsored retirement plan?
    3. Are you spending too much on your kids/grandkids?
    4. Do you hold true to living on a budget?

 

If you’re not confident in your financial future, you need a financial guide to get you on the right path. Get a journal and write down every nickel you spend for 30 days, and then assess what is essential and what was discretionary.  I guarantee you will find $200-300 you can save.  When I did this in my early 30’s, I found $350 I didn’t need to spend and that reshaped my financial future.  I have options today and financial freedom that my friends don’t have because they were not willing to focus on the future.

meditating

The bottom line is this:  YOU MUST INVEST in yourself in proportion to the energy you invest in your career, your family, your relationships, etc.  Total well-being is a measure of the degree to which you find purpose, passion, and conviction in everything you do professionally and personally. But it can’t happen without a clearly articulated life vision and purposeful mission.  And you must be willing to commit it to paper. Without a written life plan your future relies on hope – and HOPE IS NOT A PLAN!

About the author

Jeannette Bajalia, author of Retirement Done Right, Wi$e Up Women: Your Guide to Fiscal & Physical Well Being, and the soon to be released Planning a Purposeful Life: Secrets of Longevity, is president and principal advisor of Petros Estate & Retirement Planning, where she has designed and implemented innovative estate-planning solutions for clients and their families. She also is founder and president of Woman’s Worth® (www.womans-worth.com), which specializes in the unique needs facing women as they plan for their retirement.

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Advancing Women

Advancing Women