It is up to you to question ( stereotypical) assumptions and put yourself on a different footing at work; that is, to the greatest extent possible, you must attempt to level your own playing field.

Life is unfair. Some people are sick and others well. Some die young and others live to a ripe old age. Work is unfair, too, particularly to women, but if one waits for the company to change things, a long, fruitless, frustrating and disappointed future likely lies ahead. But that doesn't mean we should accept the current state of affairs. It simply means we should take charge and develop a strategy to change things for ourselves, and in time, by example and support, for others who follow.

Common Company Attitudes

Deborah J. Swiss, who conducted a landmark survey for Women Breaking Through, Overcoming the Final 10 Obstacles At Work gives us the following insight:

"Eighty-nine percent of the women I surveyed believe that successful women must make greater personal sacrifices than successful men. Seventy-three percent report that once a woman had a child, she is automatically perceived to be less committed to her career. Ninety percent believe an absence of corporate-sponsored flexibility for family needs contributes to gender bias."

As Swiss points out, even if a company does offer family friendly policies, it is difficult, if not impossible to legislate societal attitudes, so the mere offering of such policies often does not alleviate the problem. Studies show fewer than 2% of workers make use of such policies as job sharing, telecommuting or flextime because there is still too much negative feedback around them. Actually using one of these alternative work methods can not only stall a career, but can result in actual job loss.

Stereotypical Value Systems

Almost invariably, women are thought of as mothers and home makers first and therefore perceived by male managers as less committed to their jobs. The same stereotype applies to childless women, empty nesters and women who are well beyond child bearing age. Those who are known to be mothers often are assumed to be prone to slack their duties because of the obligations of motherhood. One woman lawyer who missed a meeting was assumed to have taken time off to care for a child, even though she was actually in court working for her law firm at the time. She felt she was held to a different standard than male lawyers who weren't questioned about why they missed a meeting; it was assumed they were adults and diligent workers and must have a good reason if they didn't attend a meeting.

On the other hand, male managers sometimes express the view that there is nothing more important for a woman than to be home taking care of her husband and child. As Swiss notes, " Value-laden questions about what a mother should be, where she should be spending her time, and how she should be leading her life, even if unspoken, permeate a woman's experience at work. A woman must challenge these assumptions herself to prevent them from undermining career potential."


Take Responsibility for How Your Company Treats You

It is up to you to question these assumptions and put yourself on a different footing at work; that is, to the greatest extent possible, you must attempt to level your own playing field.

Accept Reality

Instead of being naïve or unrealistic, accept the fact that, if you want significant success, you will have to make significant sacrifice, no doubt more than a man in your position would have to make.

Invest In Yourself

This is really another form of accepting reality. Generally speaking, you will be doing the work of 1 1/2 or 2 people. You will have your work at the office, and, even if you don't have children, you will have an unequally large share of the responsibility for running your household if you are married or have a "significant other". You may have childcare and eldercare responsibilities on top of that. So, be smart. Don't let yourself get worn to a frazzle or try to accomplish the impossible. Plan to use some of your earnings to arrange for help and, if you can talk your spouse into kicking in a share of the "assistance fund", do so.

Help can come in many forms, not only day care, and additional meals out, but high quality "ready to serve meals" you pick up from the grocer, and delivery services to make your life a little easier. Today there are professional organizers who will come straighten up your closets, oversee your spring cleaning or buy your theater tickets. Some busy women executives get neighborhood boutiques to bring a selection of clothes to their home every season, to reduce shopping time. Bill paying can be put on line and automated, so that monthly chore is taken care of. You should look seriously at your household tasks and arrange every kind of help and support which you can reasonably afford or even stretch a bit to accommodate.

Lynda Obst, the producer of films like "Sleepless in Seattle" and "Hope Floats" said she did this for years, spending almost everything she earned to provide care for her children and family as she invested in her own career.

Carve Out Your Own Arrangement Still Meeting Customer Needs

If working on the job and at home is taking its toil and you perpetually are fatigued or feeling stressed, consider making your own arrangement with your company, tailored to your specific needs.

You may want to take a few afternoons off early to tend to a child, or work 3 days a week if your husband travels on business and you want to spend week-ends with him.

Whatever kind of flextime or accommodation you ask from your company, you must take responsibility for demonstrating to your supervisors that you will meet the same high standards in delivering your company's product or service, even though your workload might be reduced. If workers in your company typically work overtime if they want to move up, you can expect to do the same, but with over time proportionate to your work hours. You must still make an occasional trade-off, where you must decide to complete office tasks first, before spending time with your family. But, on balance, if you decide to select an alternate work schedule, you can make it work to achieve greater balance.

Become Your Own Advocate

• Assume nothing
• Be specific about your work plan
• Suggest a 6 month review of the arrangement to see if it's working ( so your supervisors will find it harder to say no)
• Get it in writing
• Don't expect favors
• Check in regularly
• Don't call attention to the limitations on your time
• Work harder to be visible when you're at work
• Work to make family friendly policies available to all